Surely, my kid will roll over, right?

So, yesterday, I experienced one of those inevitable moments in parenting where I am fairly certain that I have somehow neglected or damaged my child. And, if I had managed to do something better, my child - my perfect child - would be achieving what I want her to (and the books say she ought to) achieve. The skill in question is pushing up and rolling over. Up until yesterday, my Philosophy has been: Surely, my kid will role over. What. She's not ever going to role over? And, to that, I do hold - after a brief obsessive spell of self-doubt. I called Mike after church - all worried, bordering on panic, honestly - and his response was "What bit of new information did you get this morning?" To which I replied - TWO, not one, but TWO babies Clara's age are pushing up and rolling over. And The Books say... (there is good reason, in my mind, to burn The Books). My sweet husband, of course, could give a rip what other babies are doing and proceeds to tell me that we have a happy, content, well-adjusted child who, yes, loves her mother. That response, of course, failed to satisfy my need for self-torture. Needless to say, things escalated, and when Mike got home I was in tears.

I did fairly quickly realize that there was nothing I could do to solve this problem. And, I also realized that this is sooo not a problem with Clara, but a problem with Katie. So, I prayed. God is so Generous, so Faithful - even when I'm full of ME. Not only did He help me chill out - which was the major prayer - but also, during Clara's next tummy time she hung out for FIVE MINUTES without crying (a few smiles even sneaked in!) and was lifting her head the Whole Time looking in the mirror. God Is Good.

It was scary to see how much expectation I put on my kid and how freaked out I got when she didn't meet those expectations. This is just further evidence that I so am not in control - and it is a really Good Thing that I am not in control - and need to keep practicing surrendering to the One who is.